An Ode to Shows I Miss
Oh television, that small screen of dreams
How often do you provide pleasure for my eyes
And mind, only to flirt and tease and titillate
Before removing those wondrous images from sight.
Some forces of stimulation were ripped from me mid-coitus
But others petered out before the buttons on my blouse had even come undone
Why did you terminate Terminator?
Was John’s sexy stare not enough for you?
Did his well-toned brain join Lucas’s
Well over Six Feet Under on SeaQuest DSV?
You made me love The Nanny’s laugh
And then stripped her from me
Just like you flew me away from China Beach
And didn’t even leave me the safety of Homefront
How did those sexy Heroes get so distracted?
Were they abducted by the aliens in Roswell?
Someone please find me a Stargate
And I don’t care if it’s on Atlantis or the 3rd Rock from the Sun.
I need to take a Quantum Leap back in time
With Moonlighting my way, screaming
To Seinfeld that I’m Mad About You
Until I’m Pushing Daisies.
And don’t even get me started on Carnivale and Firefly
The only two who ever had me interested in a three-way
But were ripped from me, leaving me breathless and confused.
If only two were to return, bring these to me.
Oh, dear, sweet television
My fickle role-playing lover
How I miss the days past when you rained
Sweet kisses on my open eyes.
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Talk to me baby!